1. Said, "Get your penis off the kitchen table. NOW." (Drink!)
2. Locked myself in the garage so I could finish scheduling an appointment after hearing, "I'm sorry, I cannot hear you" turn into "Ma'am? I need to hang up if you cannot find somewhere quiet to speak".(Drink!)
3. Chopped up mushrooms, in front of my four-year-old, added them to the dinner mixture, and then swore up and down that there were no mushrooms in dinner, she could eat it in safety of dying from the miserable fungus. (Drink!)
4. Went to a mall A) with no intention of shopping and B) never walked into a store. (Drink!)
5. In the heat of an argument screamed at my husband to stop complaining about a two hour traffic jam because "I would give ANYTHING - and I mean ANYTHING - to be stuck in a car ALONE and in complete control of the radio, noise level, and nothing thrown at the back of my head followed by howls of laughter!", sir. (Drink!)
6. Watched Dance Moms, Little Miss Perfect, Toddlers & Tiara's, and most shows on A&E, to solely feel better after a bad parenting day. (Works every time... DRINK!)
7. Confirmed to a telemarketer that yes, those are in fact monkeys in the background. (Drink!)
8. Wished their little life's away "How many more days until school starts again?" only to feel awful and not want to miss a single minute. (Drink!)
9. Said, "You may not try to see how long your little brother can stand in the snow without shoes. Let him back in. NOW." (Drink!)
10. Knew I'd "never have those kids" until I had them. And I wouldn't trade them for the world! (Drink!)
2. Locked myself in the garage so I could finish scheduling an appointment after hearing, "I'm sorry, I cannot hear you" turn into "Ma'am? I need to hang up if you cannot find somewhere quiet to speak".(Drink!)
3. Chopped up mushrooms, in front of my four-year-old, added them to the dinner mixture, and then swore up and down that there were no mushrooms in dinner, she could eat it in safety of dying from the miserable fungus. (Drink!)
4. Went to a mall A) with no intention of shopping and B) never walked into a store. (Drink!)
5. In the heat of an argument screamed at my husband to stop complaining about a two hour traffic jam because "I would give ANYTHING - and I mean ANYTHING - to be stuck in a car ALONE and in complete control of the radio, noise level, and nothing thrown at the back of my head followed by howls of laughter!", sir. (Drink!)
6. Watched Dance Moms, Little Miss Perfect, Toddlers & Tiara's, and most shows on A&E, to solely feel better after a bad parenting day. (Works every time... DRINK!)
7. Confirmed to a telemarketer that yes, those are in fact monkeys in the background. (Drink!)
8. Wished their little life's away "How many more days until school starts again?" only to feel awful and not want to miss a single minute. (Drink!)
9. Said, "You may not try to see how long your little brother can stand in the snow without shoes. Let him back in. NOW." (Drink!)
10. Knew I'd "never have those kids" until I had them. And I wouldn't trade them for the world! (Drink!)
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