Flashdance

Couldn't tell you what started it. Maybe that I said an emphatic NO! to Kudo bar #8 for the day, only pushed them on the swings for 43 consecutive minutes in 90 degree weather in direct sunlight, or turned off the sprinkler when a flash flood erupted in the middle of our backyard? Perhaps it was my offering of mandarin oranges, watermelon, celery with peanut butter, cheese and crackers, grilled cheese, hot dogs (no buns, cut in little pieces with cheese on top and pretzel sticks as toothpicks), chicken noodle soup, and macaroni and cheese for lunch, as opposed to the chocolate chip cookie dough the four fat hands clung to quickly as they snatched it out of the open fridge? Whatever it was, it pissed some kids off.

Xander can go from all smiles to screaming dervish in a matter of seconds. It's an amazing transformation to watch his gorgeous tanned cheeks to turn into pink and finally, with the proper scream, cherry tomato red. He flops around as if he is dying from a lack of oxygen, and does maneuvers with his back that would make an inch worm proud. While doing this little routine, he swats away his momma's comforting hands, but will scream and escalate if his momma is more than twelve inches from his side watching every move.

X-man was knee deep in a Tantrum and Zoe and I just watched. It was so interestingly orchestrated that Zoe gave up her screaming, throwing, and kicking to be a spectator to the master. Hey, he's learned from the best.

All I can think is that if I just knew where our Flip was, I could get this on tape, post it on Facebook, and my friends could have easy access to free birth control via a minute video of a seventeen-month-old in action. I think it would be better than Sex Ed and really promote abstinence. I mean, if you had an image of Xander acting like this when you were about to get it on, it may just curb the desire into a little healthy fear of a baby. Worth a shot, Sarah Palin.

In the tone of a video shoot, I started thinking about the soundtrack I'd play. And it hit me. FLASHDANCE! Someone give this kid a chair and a leotard! That's a tough dance and I have a prodigy on my hands - he did it with ease and precision.

Xander needs a college fund? Check. Here we come, Little Miss Perfect. I have a male entrant who has a talent that comes out with one snatch of a block, lack of nap, and nothing in his system besides granola bars and oyster crackers.

Take that, three year old girl in more make up than a MAC counter can offer, a fake tan, and four hair pieces who can sing God Bless America backwards while standing on her head. I have an all-natural beauty with a set of lungs who isn't afraid to use them.